Boss Bhi Kabhi Fresher Tha

Pointy-Haired Boss is hopelessly incompetent at management and does not understand technical issues but always tries to disguise this, usually by using jargon he also does not understand.

The Boss treats his employees alternately with disdain or neglect; he is narcissistic, using them to his own ends regardless of the consequences to them.

Scott Adams himself wrote that “He’s not sadistic, just uncaring.” What troubles me is the question,”How did Scot Adams generalize every possible boss in the world with more or less just +-10% deviation?

Here are few gems from my observations.

• Boss will change their mind with every stimuli or communication.
• Boss will make sure that employees are as clueless as “lab rat” in a maze and encourage guess work on what’s important to the boss. They will always want 100% and Everything is Important and Urgent, Always.
• Never explain why something is wrong (anyways wrong is relative ) and they won’t explain. Saying, they “Just need to make it “better.” If I give you too much direction, how will you learn? “
• Take your whole team for every meeting like the army of 300, and make them sit for no purpose or cause and then later ask them to send out the “MOM”(Minutes of meeting) while boss was sleeping !!!
• Appreciate late or never
• Schedule weekly “all hands” meetings. With the clear agenda: Team bring boss up to date on what they’ve been emailing you, but Boss’s have been too busy to read and make sure to not introduce anything new.
• Ask your employees, to take time from their lives and attend useless meetings on weekends because boss couldn’t manage their time properly.
• Agree to deadlines and then accelerate them. Ask loudly from the hallway if the document is ready at 6 PM. Announce: “I’m here late tonight if you want to finish it up.”
• Schedule “critical” meetings a few days before you have to leave for important event. Show up late and decide everyone can reconvene to “close the open issues” day after you return from your vacation.
• Send emails at 4 AM. On Saturday. Mark them urgent.
• Be careful not to get too wrapped up in your employee’s own goals. If you’re too supportive in helping them develop, they’ll leave you for another job. And that’s not good management.
• Twist words around to make a nonsensical statement sound intelligent. Eg. Don’t think about it as it’s a problem, look at it as a challenge !

How about you ? Do you have any bosses that have embodied any or all these?

A Message to My Boss: Boss, This is not for you. This for my other Boss.